Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey: Review From My Prospective

I tried to avoid this book, even though it seemed every women I knew was reading it.  Because I work in publishing they were asking me about the book.  I finally picked it up for the kindle and read it.  There are some interesting things from a body language and psychology prospective.  Most importantly there needs to be a firm warning to all readers of this book-  to those that explore this in real life- there are going to be some real victims as a result of reading this book.

There are two body language actions that occur throughout the book.

Anastasia Steele has the habit of biting her lower lip subconsciously.  This is fairly obvious, she does it when she is nervous.

Christian Grey has the habit of tilting his head when listening to Anastasia.  This is a sign of interest.  It is a good habit to have, and to fake, when others are speaking.  It will earn you high marks from the speaker.

For many readers it will be their first experience with dominance and submission (also know as BDSM) which is the mutual exploration of roles, emotions and activities where one person is given full responsibility to be dominant while the other is fully submissive.  It likely is also the first time for many readers to see that sexuality is not only the actual act but also as an emotion. It is not often that we can define  sexuality for what it really is- both physical and emotional- BDSM's focus is more emotional than physical.  All this can be fascinating, appealing, and many people will be draw to the lifestyle like a moth to the flame.

Christian Grey is a responsible Master. In the real world there are a great  number of Masters who are not responsible and "get off" on the pain they inflict and the control and tethering is a means to an end, they are called sadists.  If you are a sadist, of course would be drawn to BDSM. There is not a sexual serial killer that was also not a sadist that I can think of... Many,  in fact, inflicted a great deal of pain on THEIR victims, often times needing to invoke negative emotions and pain to be able to become satisfied.

So how do you know that it is "safe" to enter into a dominant and submissive relationship?  The fact is you never truly know.  I could give you some obvious things to look out for, like is the partner manipulative already, or controlling?  Unfortunately there are too many Ted Bundys out there that appear one way, then become a completely different person- when they have you exactly where they want you.

Another thing you should understand from a psychology prospective, there is always some underling reason why someone would want to enter into either of these roles. It fulfills something.  It usually is not something pleasant.

Lastly, entering into a relationship like this is not something that can be sustained forever or for very long.  Once the Master gains full control, he or she is likely to become bored.  It is the journey not the destination.  What happens when it ends?  A huge void.  This is why most enter into  these situations for short periods of time.  I know there are probably people who schedule appointments in NYC and pay thousands of dollars every Thursday or Monday afternoon to be the submissive... There are just as likely people who "cheat" emotionally, but never physically on their spouses with someone else in this fashion.

One thing I have learned over the years about people and psychology, when it comes to sex the boundaries of what is normal, is hard to find with about 10% of people.  Do you need further prove, the strangest map you'll navigate is below, it is The Fetish Map of Sexuality.