In The Liar in Your Life, psychology professor Robert Feldman, one of the world's leading authorities on deception, draws on his immense body of knowledge to give fresh insights into how and why we lie, how our culture has become increasingly tolerant of deception, the cost it exacts on us, and what to do about it. His work is at once surprising and sobering, full of corrections for common myths and explanations of pervasive oversimplifications.
Feldman examines marital infidelity, little white lies, career-driven resumé lies, and how we teach children to lie. Along the way, he reveals-despite our beliefs to the contrary- how it is nearly impossible to spot a liar (studies have shown no relationship between nervousness, lack of eye contact, or a trembling voice, and acts of deception). He also provides startling evidence of just how integral lying is to our culture; indeed, his research shows that two people, meeting for the first time, will lie to each other an average of three times in the first ten minutes of a conversation.
Feldman uses this discussion of deception to explore ways we can cope with infidelity, betrayal, and mistrust, in our friends and family. He also describes the lies we tell ourselves: Sometimes, the liar in your life is the person you see in the mirror. With incisive clarity and wry wit, Feldman has written a truthful book for anyone who whose life has been touched by deception.
I have not received my copy yet, but I will let you know what I think when I do. Feldman is a leader in the field of deception.◦
Thursday, September 3, 2009
New Book: The Liar in Your Life by Robert Feldman
More to Love: Episode Six
My Thoughts On the One and One Dates
Tali
It this episode I saw a connection between Luke and Tali that I had not seen in previous shows. He smiled spontaneously with her on several times. Uncle Leo didn't help. First you could see Tali is very pleased when Luke answers, but then you could see Tali gets very nervous and deeply exhales to release some of the stress, and pacifying herself with lip movement. Watch Uncle Leo when speaking to Tali, as he is talking, he raised his eye brows, lines formed on his forehead and his eyes were wide open- this tells me he feels strongly about his feelings and he knows he is right about what he is saying. You will also see this face when someone asks someone else a question that they already know the answer to...
Mandy
Luke doesn't kiss Mandy like he does the other girls. On the boat he is paying more attention their guests than Mandy. Fingers in front of the mouth means she doesn't like what she is hearing. Mandy is looking down her nose at her mom. Luke was perceptive enough to read Mandy's feelings... Family doesn't help in this date either.
Anna
They are comfortable around each other by how they easily place their hands on each other. Her reaction when she saw her parents was not what I was expecting, her eyes should have sprung open, instead she closes them... he contradicts himself saying he wants to have a woman who has a career, but before it is over this could cause problems between the two of them; He latches onto this way too quickly.
Malissa
"We'll have some good looking kids," says Luke...
Meet the sisters! Their body language is more interesting to read than Luke and Malissa. Shoulder shrugs, turning away after answers means they do not believe the answers, contempt from Malissa. When you ask sensitive questions and do not keep eye contact means you are not as interested in the answer or embarrassed to ask the question, and could be more interested in the shock value of question; however her sister one of those people that doesn't mince words and tells it like it is...
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The Invention of Lying Releases September 25!
In an alternate reality, lying -- even the concept of a lie -- does not even exist. Everyone -- from politicians to advertisers to the man and woman on the street -- speaks the truth and nothing but the truth with no thought of the consequences. But when a down-on-his-luck loser named Mark suddenly develops the ability to lie, he finds that dishonesty has its rewards. In a world where every word is assumed to be the absolute truth, Mark easily lies his way to fame and fortune. But lies have a way of spreading, and Mark begins to realize that things are getting a little out of control when some of his tallest tales are being taken as, well, gospel. With the entire world now hanging on his every word, there is only one thing Mark has not been able to lie his way into: the heart of the woman he loves.
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Hayley McFarland Interviewed for a Teen Blog
Lightman's daughter interviewed for a teen blog, get to know the actor. After a couple of minutes they start talking about the show.
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Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Cummings 911 Call
Feb 12 2009
This photo released by the Putnam County Sheriff's Office shows Haleigh Cummings, 5, of Satsuma, Florida. Cummings was reported missing from her home early Tuesday morning and an amber alert was issued. Detectives say they are treating her disappearance as an abduction even though there were no signs of forced entry into the home. (UPI Photo/Putnam County Sheriffs Office/Handout) Photo via Newscom Photo via Newscom
I've always had a knack for listening to 911 calls and being able to determine if monkey business is going on. When someone is calling 911 they are in a high stakes and highly emotionally charged situation and I believe it is easy to hear things that do not fit.
I have written about the disappearance of Haleigh Cumming a couple of times. Without transcripts of their lie detector tests and VSA it is difficult to determine the details of the case... but with what I've learned in the last several days I believe I have a clear idea what happened based on what has been released. I also believe arrests will be made in the next several weeks.
In the next week I will outline my beliefs and the supporting evidence. It is not a difficult case as there are other experts speaking about Haleigh's disappearance and we all have agreed from the beginning of this situation.
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911: “911, what’s your emergency”
Misty Croslin: “Hi…umm…I just woke up…and our backdoor was wide open and I think…and I can’t find our daughter”
911: “you can’t find what?”
Misty Croslin:”our daughter”
911:” OK, what’s your address?
Misty Croslin: “(inaudible)”
911: “OK, what’s the numerical?”
Misty Croslin: “The numerical…what’s that?”
911: “the number…green lane?”
Misty Croslin: “Yes”
911: “OK when did you last see her?”
Misty Croslin: “Um, we like just, you know…it was about 10 o’clock- she was sleeping- I was cleaning…
911: “OK- how old is your daughter?”
Misty Croslin: “She’s five”
911: “Ok…what was she last seen wearing? Maam…”
Misty Croslin: “She was in her pajamas- she was sleeping…”
911: “OK…alright…You said your back door was wide open?”
Misty Croslin: “yes- it was bricked- there was a brick on the floor…when I was asleep it was not like that.”
911: Ok…the back door…listen to me…your back door was wide open…what are you talking about a brick?”
Misty Croslin: “(inaudible)”
911: “what is a brick?”
Misty Croslin: “it’s almost like– on the stairs- we have a walkway…”
911:” uh huh….and there was a brick laying there?”
Misty Croslin: “yes…it’s still there”
(background) tell them they’ve better come on…
911: “we’ve got em coming- tell him we’ve got them coming”
Misty Croslin: “they’re coming”
911: “Ok what’s the color of your house ma’am?
Misty Croslin: “blue”
911: “blue, OK
(pause)
OK- what does she look like? How tall is she? Give me some description of her.”
Misty Croslin: “How tall she she? Like long hair like curly…with curls..
911: “long curls…what color?”
Misty Croslin: “(inaudible)”
911:” ok- what color hair? Brown hair?”
Misty Croslin: “Yes…oh my gosh….”
911: “OK- how tall is she about? Or how much does she weigh…do you know that?”
Misty Croslin: “huh?”
911: “about how tall or how much she weigh?”
Misty Croslin: “24 sounds about right- I don’t know- she’s not that tall….”
911: “OK-wait- tell your husband we’ve got them coming, ok?”
Misty Croslin: “OK”
911: “How much does she weigh- do you know?”
Misty Croslin: “huh?”
911: “How much does she weigh?”
Misty Croslin: “um…like 40-50 pounds- 60 pounds?
911: “40-60 pounds?”
Misty Croslin: “yeah”
911: “OK- let me get your name and phone number. Spell your last name…
spell your last name?
Was your back door locked do you know?”
Misty Croslin: “Yes…(inaudible)”
Ronald Cummings: “Man, I need somebody to get here now!”
911: “OK, let me speak to him…”
Ronald Cummings: “I just got home from work, my five-year-old daughter is gone- I need someone here now.”
911: “OK, listen to me…listen to me…we’ve got two officers…”
Ronald Cummings: “if I find whoever has my daughter before you all do, I’m killing them…I don’t care- I will spend the rest of my life in prison….you can put that on the recording…I don’t care.”
911: “It’s OK sir, we’ve got them on the way…ok- can you give me…what kind of description of pajamas was she wearing? “
Ronald Cummings: “I don’t f%$ know!”
Cummings:” Hello”
911:” OK sir let me just talk to your wife. Let me get some information from her. “
Misty: (inaudible) crying. “I don’t wanna…(inaudible)”
911: “Can I talk to her? OK”
Misty: “inaudible”
Cummings: (inaudible, in background ) “Where my daughter at?”
911:” Ma’am. OK listen I need you to answer some questions. Does the door look like it was pried open?”
Misty:” Umm… (inaudible)”
911: “Does it look like you had to sorta…like someone tried to enter your house.”
Misty: “Umm. Hold On.”
911:” And another thing, make sure you and your husband don’t touch the door anymore. Don’t mess with the door or anything. “
Misty: “No it doesn’t. “
911: “it doesn’t look like it is?”
Misty: “No”
911: “Ok, now listen, tell your husband, do not touch anything- because we are going to get a k-9 out there”
Misty: “ok….she said don’t touch anything because they are bringing a k-9 out here”
Ronald Cummings: “they better bring f’ing something out here- because if I get my hands on that mother f’er I’m going to kill him…I don’t give a f%*)@# about prison…mother F’ing prison doesn’t scare me.”
911:” ok, we understand- we’ve got them on the way
What’s her name…{redacted}…how do you spell her first name…{redacted}…what’s her middle name? …{redacted}. And the spelling of the last name is? …{redacted}.”
Misty: “well, that’s my last name”
911: “What’s her date of birth?
Ronald Cummings: “i’m going to f’ing kill somebody”
911:”Tell him we understand- we need to get her date of birth.”
Misty: “what’s her date of birth?”
Ronald Cummings: “F her date of birth- we need to find her- f her date of birth.”
911: ” Ok Listen to me, I’m getting this information- I’m not the officer driving out there ok? – they are coming out there to handle that situation. I need to gather all the information from you over the phone…it has nothing to do with me driving out there…ok? They are coming out there…ok?”
Misty: “ok”
911: “ok, I’m going to stay on the phone with you ok? Until they get there…ok?”
Misty: “ok”
(backgroud noise)
911: “tell him we’ve got them coming, he’s got to calm down a little bit. The officers are going to come out there and do what they can. We can’t have him screaming and yelling at the officers whenever they get there ok?”
Misty:” Uh huh…”
Ronald Cummings: “where is my f’ing phone…we’ve got better people to talk to then some mother f’ers who ain’t coming.”
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Without going into all the details, what stands out most here is how Ron cares more about retribution than getting his daughter back. This is not a normal feeling, emotion, or reaction. This reaction is normal much later in the process of coping of with a child that has been abducted. In the hours and days after the abduction the parents will care only about their child's safety and will plead and be willing to make bargains for their child's safe return.◦
You Are Suspious... How to ask the questions.
Okay, you suspect something. Something bad. You want to tear apart the telephone book. What should you do?
1) Do not attack with something like, "Are you cheating on me?"
You need to learn the art of gaining information without the other person knowing you are on an intelligence mission.
If you would ask straight out, "Are you cheating on me?" the other person is immediately on the defensive, and you'll get nowhere.
2) Ask a question where you could get either:
- A casual answer which means nothing has occurred,
- Or some sort of defensive answer, or some sort of nonverbal clue that he/she knows what you are getting at.
In the above example, let's say your boyfriend went out with some friends and did not come home until the next day. You tried his phone only a couple of times(hopefully) and now instead of asking "Are you cheating on me?" let's look at some questions you could ask:
- Did you have fun last night?
- Where did you end up sleeping?
- Did everybody crash there?
- Did you get any sleep last night?
NOTE: It is critical that you maintain control of your voice and ask the questions without an accusatory tone.
So you get a casual answer to one of the questions above, "Really?"
A well placed "Really?" is a great way to get a read on the non verbals and is not a direct confrontation.
It is not always easy, but is made easier if you think carefully how to approach the conversation.◦
Countering the Lies of Omission
Guilty people will likely practice deception by omitting information they believe with incriminate themselves.
Leaving out details is a way to mislead, and does not give the liar as much stress because technically they are not lying.
Start by getting a complete statement of the activity in question.
Things to look for are:
- Skipping over facts.
- Is there some sort of fast forwarding through time. Look for words like after, later, then, later on, eventually, finally, when, and a short time later are key words and ask for clear explanations of times that may have been glossed over.
- Fuzzy language such as "I believe" or "I think" or "Basically"? or "That is about it" is not a committed answer.
- "I cannot remember” or “I cannot recall” we have to ask ourselves they simply are describing what they prefer not to do.
- Allow the person to pause while speaking, these are signs of cognitive thinking and the pauses are important.
What to do to illicit more information:
Do not immediately directly confront when you see areas of omission, address them after the person has had a chance to tell you everything.
Do not make the mistake by going directly to the areas of greatest interest. Instead, you should fight this urge and proceed chronologically. Instead beginning with the first area of omission and moving on to the subsequent areas one by one. This avoids alerting people to specific areas of interest and incriminating area of their statement.
Systematically return to each area of missing information and seek out details by using carefully structured questions.
Say things like "Fill in the blanks" and "What did you do next?" and "Tell me everything that happened between X and Y?"
If they used fuzzy language, repeat the fuzzy language statement(s) back to them and ask for more information or clarifications.
Expect and demand micro explanations of the littlest detail.
The most seasoned investigator can get to the point where they "don't sweat the small stuff" but it is these little details that can provide insight.◦
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The Pronoun WE and Couples
VINCENT A. SANDOVAL wrote about the power of what is being said in a portion of an article from The FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin concerning this topic.
A verbatim transcript of an interview with a man suspected of raping a known female acquaintance provides an effective illustration.
Following his description of the sex act, which he claimed was consensual, the suspect said, “I put her clothes on and, um, and she and I walked outside and said our good-byes. I gave her a hug and told her I had a good time and she talked for a minute and then I left. I walked home.”
This brief statement warranted close examination by investigators.
Among other things, they especially paid attention to the words that conveyed conversation: “she and I...said our good-byes. I...told her I had a good time and she talked for a minute and then I left.”
Of importance, the suspect never used the pronoun we to describe the two, but, instead, he said, “she and I.”
In sexual assault cases, especially those where the subject alleges that the sexual contact was consensual, investigators should listen closely for the absence of the pronoun we, which would suggest that a healthy relationship did not exist between the two individuals and, thus, increases the likelihood that the sexual contact was less then consensual.
Notice how the person you are involved with romantically refers to the two of you- this can be very telling... especially when you notice a change.◦
Widow of Sen. Kennedy Shows Subtle Sadness
The widow of Sen. Edward Kennedy, Vicki Reggie Kennedy, responds to friends and former staff members who gathered on the steps of the Senate to pay a final tribute to the Massachusetts Democrat, who spent 47 years at the U.S. Capitol, in Washington, Saturday, Aug. 29, 2009. Kennedy's hearse paused at the Capitol before moving on to Arlington National Cemetery where he was buried near his brothers John F. Kennedy and Robert Kennedy. (J. Scott Applewhite/Pool/MCT) Photo via Newscom
While she shows sadness in her entire face it is rare to capture the subtle sadness in the eye brows as seen here. See how the inside of her eyebrows arch upward in sadness. This is a true emotion that is hard to consciously do.◦
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