nonverbal communication and behavioral psychology
Emotions ~ Body Language & Gestures ~ Deceit
Sometimes a lie can be forgiven. In fact, sometimes a lie is necessary. This week we'll hear from a listener wondering whether it's ethical to lie in order to reassure an elderly dementia patient.
Listen to this NPR interview.◦
Is It Ethical to Lie to an Elderly Dementia Patient
I also have a couple of warnings: (1) Don't read people and tell people what you're seeing in them. People hate it- and you become instantly creepy; (2) Be careful, if all of a sudden you are looking at everything more clearly you can become super sensitive. This can be very dangerous to yourself and all of your relationships. Recognize if at least 70% of our communication is not the words that are used- all of a sudden you could be seeing 3 times more information it can be scary- so chill out a little.
Starting to Learn: With a little investment of money and many hours of study you to will see the world differently.
Step 1:
Get a good body language book. I can recommend this book because it covers all the bases.
Step 2:
Practice, Practice, Practice. I find airports and sandwich shops (on weekday lunches) are the best places to read people. There always a electic mix of people- sometimes they are there for business, other times it is catching up with friends. Do it at least once a week, if not more. Go to parties and different events to expose yourself to different reads, notice the differences. Learn.
Step 3:
Get advanced micro expression training at Humintell. Get certified in microexpressions, then do it until you get a perfect score. There is no sense learning to recognize what is going on but getting it wrong. Once your perfect, keep up your skills to maintain your score by going back every so often.
Step 4:
Get yourself a good pair of dark or mirrored sunglasses because when you are outside you do not want to be caught starring at someone, and then stare at everyone. Think Secret Service.
Step 5:
The best book on lying I have come across for the non professional is this one. Memorize it. Read and skim it every so often. If you know and understand the concepts presented in this book, it is like you’ve been working as a police detective for 20+ years.
Step 6:
Get Subtle Expression Recognition Training at Humintell. This training examines how the core emotions can be shown on only part of the face. They occur when an emotion is first beginning. They also occur when someone is trying to suppress any sign of how they are feeling. Recognizing true feelings is important to the craft.
Step 7:
Detecting Deception Through Statement Analysis
People's words betray their true thoughts, and they will provide you with more information than they realize. This book will show you what to look for in verbal and written statements to determine if they are telling the truth. If you are a fan of "Lie to Me" the stuff in this book is their secret weapon that they never explain the science of, but use in every episode.
Step 8:
More books. These I can recommend because they are really interesting. Sure they will cover some of the concepts you already learned from the first body language book, but they have something to add, and it becomes a refresher now that you have some experience under your belt.
Step 9 (Become Advanced):
Branch out. Get more technical books. Read FBI profiler books. Check out some NLP stuff. Watch the news show that feature interrogations like 48 hours and Dateline. Watch some reality shows like the Bachelor. Read scientific articles on the latest research in the area. Play poker. Offer to interview candidates for job openings at work. Watch the news. Pay attention in meetings. Sell something to someone. Watch Lie to Me and some of the non technical crime shows are pretty good. Meet someone at a meeting or social setting. Make sure your family and friends know you care about them by using what you learned here to show them.
Some of the other items in my tool kit are:
I buy my books in pdf format, that way I can search across all the pdfs with Adobe Reader. I also have a pdf print driver so if I see something on the web I print it to a pdf file and it is part of my library. I probably have twenty books and hundreds of articles that I have collected over the years.
I have a Namesysco voice stress analyzer. It is a powerful tool but it is only one tool in the whole toolbox.
I also have several programs that help me analyze written copy.
Then for fun I have this...
and now for MORE FUN, season 2 is now available for ordering...
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